A beltway is called a beltway because it is like a belt that surrounds the city, holding in what doesn’t want to be let out or, on the other hand, making sure that things don’t fall apart. This might seem like obvious information to some, but it hadn’t been to her, and she was genuinely surprised when he had told her that.

She drove down the beltway, the night sky dark and cloudy above her, illuminated by the city lights that dotted the distance. The mile markers and exit signs kept her company. Suburbs and booming metropolises of shopping centers hugged the edges of the highway.
But it didn’t bother her too much, because in a second she was past that, onto the next mile, the next exit. She could forget and leave as quickly as she had came.

When she had gone out tonight, she hadn’t planned on going anywhere in particular. Maybe to the store. Maybe a quick jaunt through the mall. But she hadn’t gone to any of those places, and had kept driving, getting on the beltway. This made her think of him, and in a vague sense she knew where she was going.

He had told her everything and nothing. Told her she was nice, too nice sometimes, that she needed to be confident. She loved him. He loved her. He broke her heart and she couldn’t forgive him; she had but she never would again.

It wasn’t his fault.

It started to rain, giant splashes on the windshield. She blinked her eyes, willing it away. She never liked driving in the rain; Garrett always liked it so much better than she did. He loved the rain. Now that she was alone, she had to drive, without a choice. She did not want to drive in the rain. She didn’t want to be alone.

With that, the idea that she had materialized. She knew where she was going.

************

Three lefts off the exit and she came to a wooded area, untouched by suburbia. She knew that she could find Garrett here, and that’s what she wanted. She was angry, and bitter, and heartbroken. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And she was scorned. It all was so unfair. 

Climbing out of the car, she locked it, and looked at the road before her. Lilly could have driven up farther, but she didn’t want to be seen. So she climbed into the shadows on the edge of the road and started walking, slowly, to find Garrett.

The woods that she kept to were damp, with poor visibility. She tried carefully not to trip, as she held tightly onto the object she had brought with her. Lilly refused to see him without it. It shook in her hand. Deep breaths, she thought. You can do this.

The rain started up again, heavier than before, and she finally appeared at the edge of the woods, climbing through a patch of ferns to get to the neater kept woodside. They drooped, heavy with water, and Lilly noted how they almost looked like they were crying. They were beautifully tragic, and she stooped down to pick one up, breathing in the scent of the fresh rain. This made her feel better, and she focused herself, throwing the fern down, and moving on.

Always moving on.

***************

Lilly’s biggest obstacle was actually finding him. She knew it was clearly marked, but without light and without knowing where she was going, more or less, she knew there was going to be trouble.

She nearly fell but steadied herself, holding onto the cargo in her hand, careful not to fall on the stones. They were slippery and smooth, and she didn’t want to be the one to get hurt this evening.

She turned down a dirt lane, feeling like she was getting close to him. Dodging puddles, Lilly looked at the names, looking for the one she recognized. Her heart was pounding, and doubts to whether or not she could do this ran through her head. She couldn’t. She just…couldn’t. Fear stopped her, and she took a look around. This reminded her that she would have to go through the woods to get back, due to the fact she had been paranoid and parked her car too far. She wasn’t ready to do that again, and made her feet move.

Finally, she found him.

She stood, staring, before she dared to move. A step at a time, she reminded herself, and she gripped her hands and the object and she took deep breaths and pushed herself forward, until she couldn’t walk forward anymore, and with nothing else to do, she sat down, resting.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered.

Nothing.

“I didn’t expect you to say anything,” she said. “I’m not stupid—silly,” she said. Garrett
never liked the word stupid. She opened her left hand, and settled the flowers next to her.

“I just miss you, you know? I can’t do this without you.”

Lilly leaned her back against the slick tombstone, and looked up at the cloudy sky, the light pollution in the distance. She sighed, and closed her eyes to prevent the rain from causing them to tear. She almost felt a hum, a distant hum, and she settled into the ground, perched. She would stay here until the rain stopped, and then she would trudge back to her car and drive, homeward bound.

by Allison Novak ‘10